Saturday, January 3, 2015

New Year

It looks like the last time I posted was back in July. A lot happened during the second half of the year and I learned a lot about who I am. 

Over the last six months I attended two national conferences, continued work on my dissertation, entered the job market, visited my brother's family in North Carolina, graduated with Sisko from doggy obedience school, had an amazing visit with college friends, completed some home improvement projects, got the go ahead to vaccinate Scooter, treated Sisko's heart worm infection,   tried my hand at gardening, and had a wonderful holiday with my family.

I did all of this while feeling constantly tired and rundown.  I haven't written about my health problems because it would force me to acknowledge that something is wrong. For the last year, I have been frustrated because my primary care doctor was unwilling to determine the cause of my exhaustion and racing heart beat, among other symptoms. It took my annual trip to the gynecologist for someone to actually listen to me. Six vials of blood later and more blood tests than I care to count, we finally got a few answers and a referral to a rheumatologist. At this point, we suspect that whatever is going on with me is autoimmune related. We haven't seen the new doctor yet, so it will be a while before we have a definitive diagnosis and some sort of treatment plan in place. 

A few people know what has been going on, but I haven't broadcast it on FaceBook or the blog until now because it has been easier to "fake it until I make it," than to deal with how crappy I feel or how it is hurting my relationships and life. Truth be told, I'm tired of faking it. 

So where does this leave us? I have good days and bad days. On the good days, I feel mostly like myself and on the bad days I can barely force myself out of bed. The main thing that I have learned is that I have to accept my limitations and make the best of it.
Serenity Prayer
I strive to accomplish the most that I can every day. That might mean that I just make it to the shower or do some reading or work on the dissertation or some housework. I can't beat myself up for not finishing everything on my to-do list. So, I am back to blogging, but at my pace. This will probably mean less regular updates, but it could also mean that I feel less guilt for not keeping up my end of the writing bargain.

I don't make resolutions, but I do have some goals for 2015:

  • practice mindful self-care,
  • finish the dissertation,
  • continue working on the house -- one project at a time,
  • crocheting to my heart's content,
  • read 50 books,
  • cultivate my relationships, 
  • revive the garden, 
  • doodle more, and
  • blog.

Best wishes.

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